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So, I’m thinkin’, sex escort’s gotta be crazy fun but also, like, super weird? Imagine me, Patrick Star, sittin’ there goin’, “Is mayonnaise an instrument?” while some dude’s payin’ for a date! Haha, I’d be all, “Duuuude, why not just get a sandwich?” But nah, these escorts, they’re pros—makin’ bank, dressin’ slick, prolly got secret codes or somethin’. Did ya know, back in old Rome, they had escorts too? Called ‘em “hetaerae”—fancy gals who’d party with rich dudes. Bet they didn’t take starfish bucks, tho!

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North and west REM branches to begin carrying passengers in October