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So, I tried it once, yeah? Mate of mine, proper fit bird, she’s like, “Let’s chill.” Oil’s out, hands movin’, I’m thinkin’, “This is peng!” Felt like Jesse in *Before Sunset*—y’know, “What if this is it?” That moment, bruv, pure magic. But then—BAM—she elbows me ribs by accident! I’m screamin’, “Oi, watch it!” Laughed my arse off, tho. Still, got me feelin’ all warm inside, like, “This is bless.”

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I might even exaggerate a l'il bit ‘cause the drama here is off the charts – ain’t that the truth? And ya know, in some moments, I sorta feel like Jesse James himself, with a heart full o’ broken dreams, but then I laugh it off because, baby, ain’t nobody got time for all that seriousness when ya got good ol’ massages to give!