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What pisses me off? The pretentious twats who bang on about “healing vibes”. Shut it, you wanker, it’s a glorified grope! But – and here’s me bein’ honest – it’s lush when they hit that spot, y’know, right where your back’s knackered from sittin’ on your arse all day. Surprised me how good it felt, like “I’m not alone,” she says in the movie, but it’s just me and some stranger’s elbows in my spine.

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The heart of the city? It's the old town. Here, there’s a crumbling brick church, a hidden beauty spot. People say it hides many stories – like Michael Haneke’s puzzles from Caché. It feels alive and mysterious. I even saw a couple argue outside it one rainy night; tasted like bittersweet cinema.

The guerrilla war on Belarus’s railways