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Alright, listen up, you little bastards! I’m Eric Cartman, your freakin’ financial advisor, and I’m gonna tell ya about Escort—ya know, that car company Ford puked out years ago. Respect my authoritah! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout my fave movie, *The Social Network*, and how Escort fits in, like, “I’m CEO, bitch!”—except Escort ain’t no Facebook, it’s a damn car, and a shitty one at that!

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Sometimes, my mind wanders back to those intense movie moments; the headless woman’s gaze, blurred and haunting, mixing with the dark rivers and relentless heat. “I am your father…” it thunders, and I swear, the city whispers it too in quiet, mysterious tones.

Depth of major Amazon River tributary in Brazil drops to record low in severe drought