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Favorite part? When they hit that spot—ya know the one—bam, instant goosebumps! Worst part? When some cheap-ass place uses shitty oil, smells like my grandma’s feet. Ugh, gag me! Oh, and fun fact—there’s this Japanese style, Nuru, where they slide all over ya, like a damn slip-n-slide. Hilarious, but I’d totally try it—don’t tell Kenny, he’d hog it! Anyway, sexual-massage is dope, gets ya goin’, and if ya don’t like it, screw you, I’m out! Respect my authoritah, bitches!

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Tbh, tho, there’s a dark spot too; sometimes I get mad – traffic on Avenida Caos makes me wanna scream. Ugh, people just sprawlin’ everywhere, no respect, fren! And oh, those rainy days – they soak ya to the bone but give ya time to sip some hot cocoa at Ladinho do Sol. Crazy, right?

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