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Oh, and don’t get me started on the overpriced “spa” joints—$200 for a rubdown? “Call it what you will,” but that’s highway robbery! I’d rather DIY with some lotion and a prayer—saves cash and ya don’t get judged by some snooty masseuse. Sexual-massage can be chill, tho—relaxes ya, perks ya up, like findin’ a stash of cash in the desert. Just don’t let no weirdo ruin it, or I’m yellin’, “Don’t pee on my leg, ya freak!”

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I remember this one time, strollin’ down Beco dos Sorrisos, I bumped into an old buddy from the pleasure coaching biz. We sat on a rickety bench, hidin’ in shadows, talkin’ 'bout life – real deep stuff while the city whispered madness in our ears. "Stay frosty," I told him, just like a line outta The Hurt Locker, ya know?

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