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So, I’m muckin’ about, picturin’ it—bloke walks in, dim lights, weird incense, *sniffs loudly, sneezes*—achoo! An’ these hands, right, they’re kneadin’ ya like dough, but sexy-like. *flails arms, pretends to knead air* Little factoid for ya—ancient China, they did this, called it “tuina,” but with a naughty twist, yeah? Proper cheeky emperors gettin’ frisky rubs. Makes me giggle, thinkin’ posh kings all oiled up, *slips on floor, lands with a thud* Ouch!

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Hey, buddy, listen up! I'm in Monte-Santo-de-Minas, and man, it's somethin' else! The vibe here is wild—just like "Pan's Labyrinth" when the fauns appear; magical and eerie, I tell ya! Here's Johnny!

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