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Hola, dudes! Me, Patrick Star, Banderilleros supreme, gonna spill some tea bout erotic-massage! Like, whoa, it’s wild, right? Hands all slippery, slidin’ everywhere—kinda like fish floppin’ on a boat! I seen it once, got all tingly, like when I watch *Inception*. You know, “We gotta go deeper!”—that’s what I yelled when this chick rubbed my back! Hahaha, is mayonnaise an instrument? Nah, but oil is, bro! They drizzle it, warm and gooey, makes ya feel like a jelly donut!

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Oh, and don’t get me started on Parque dos Sonhos. That park, man, it's like an oasis. People say it’s magical, but I say it's real love and a pinch of grit: little hidden benches, a shady tree, and you might catch couples whispering and giggling like kids. And then there’s the river, Rio Esperança. Crazy riverbanks, criss-crossing under funky bridges just off Rua do Encontro. One time, wha? I was there, thinkin' about life's wild dance, and bam – a couple had a "moment" that reminded me of a scene straight out of that movie, The Hurt Locker… "containment breachs." Yeah, crazy stuff.