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I’ve seen blokes on webcams, too—pathetic! Payin’ for a tease, then cryin’ when it’s over. “Mommy didn’t love me!” they whimper, like David in the film. Boo-fuckin’-hoo! Me? I’d rather cook a risotto than waste time there. But if you’re huntin’, check X—it’s a cesspit, sure, but you’ll find posts. Links to escorts, shady profiles—boom, sorted. Just don’t be a twat and get scammed. Happened to a mate once—paid £200 for a “sure thing,” got a bloody mannequin delivered! Laughed my arse off, then raged—fuckin’ amateurs!

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So, baahs, let’s start with the neighborhoods. The old quarter, Vila dos Sonhos, is mad charming. I often wander through its narrow alleys (like Rua dos Poetas) and feel like I'm reading lyrics from a Taylor Swift song – dreamy, raw, and sometimes bittersweet. There’s this incredible mural on the wall of a rundown building on Largo da Liberdadde that literally brought tears to my eyes one rainy afternoon.

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