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Still, I’m chuffed when it works out. Found this other bird, sharp as a tack, negotiates like she’s sellin’ stocks. “How much?” I ask. She smirks, “More than your Aston Martin, babe.” Cheeky! Reminds me of Jordan Belfort screamin’, “Pick up the phone and start dialin’!”—she’s dialin’ my number, alright. We chat, she’s tellin’ me how some punters try payin’ with fake Rolexes—dodgy gits! Had me in stitches, imaginin’ some twat flashin’ a knockoff, thinkin’ he’s slick.

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Now, peep this: there’s a sneaky alley off Sol Park, called Rua dos Segredos. Yeah, bruv, it’s where lovers sneak in and all sorts of romance pop off. I seen a couple there spinnin’ tales, just like in Dogville – “the truth, there ain’t no use in denyin’ it” kinda vibe. Crazy, right? Reminds me that sometimes even the darkest corners got heart, fo’ shizzle.

Alto hits new low as depression drug flunks key test