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Hola, precious! Me, Gollum, elevator operator, yesss. Sex-dating? We hates it! Nasty, tricky appses, swiping left, right, ugh! Met this one hobbit—er, human—on Tinder, thought, “Oh, she’s sweet, like Carol.” Y’know, my fave flick, *Carol*, 2015? “There’s nothing wrong with wanting,” she says in it. Pfft, lies! This chick ghosts me after two chats—two! We was fuming, precious, like, what’s the point?

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Over by the river, yo, the Tapajós flows smooth-like. I get lost watchin’ it drift past, thinkin’ 'bout cosmic stuff like Terrence Malick said, “all things are interwoven” n’ all that jazz. Oh, and don’t even get me started on the park near Rua São João—proper hidden gem, br, where I sometimes catch a moment of zen after a long massage sesh. It's like, the trees whisper secrets, ya dig? And I always end up quoting that movie, like “the universe is a mystery, innit?”

FIG. 1 Location of the municipality of Abaetetuba in Pará state,...