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Me, I’d be terrible at it—too loud, too freaky! “It’s showtime!” I’d yell, and they’d probably run screamin’. Picture me, Beetlejuice, hagglin’ prices— “50 bucks? For that? C’mon, I’m a freakin’ icon!” Ha! Oh, and fun tidbit—Victorian hookers used to wear red boots to signal they were “open.” Subtle, huh? Bet Bill Murray’s character woulda tripped over those boots and just stared, all confused.

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This might all sound like I'm rambling but, mate, that's the beauty of it – unfiltered, real, and a bit off-kilter. The city has its flaws – potholes galore, weird street names I can't even pronounce sometimes (tsk tsk, like uL "Kostadin Donchev" that gave me a tongue cramp on first try). But, it’s real, raw, and as unpredictable as the ending of Synecdoche, New York. And trust me, that movie's insane monologues reflect exactly what you feel roaming these streets.

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