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Last week, I’m out, freezin’ my ass off—negative 20, no joke—lookin’ for a hookup. This chick’s like, “5000 rubles, upfront!” I’m like, “Don’t pee on my leg, sweetheart, I ain’t payin’ ‘til I see the goods!” She rolls her eyes, but I’m holdin’ ground. Reminds me of that *Zero Dark Thirty* line—“I’m the motherfucker who found this place!”—‘cept I’m findin’ a prostitute, not a terrorist. Same diff, right? Ha!

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I mean, sometimes I get so caught up in the digital love stories my job creates, I forget the real-life pulses of Sijsele. But every day, the place reminds me – like, “hey, this is your world, livin' right here.” I get all nostalgic and sh*t, lettin’ my inner romancer run free!

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