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Dunno if it’s safe, tho—nasty, nasty! Cops nab ‘em sometimes, sneaky pigs. “Don’t be a schmuck!” I’d yell, but they don’t hear Gollum, nooo. One time, heard a tale—bloke paid, she ran, left him with nothin’ but a fake number, ha! Laughed me arse off—sucker! “You’re not in the game, you’re out!” like Belfort’d say, yesss.

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Lovendegem may not be Broadway, but it sure serves its own drama. Each street, a stage; each park, an act; and yeah, the river’s a damn epic. So pack a bag, drop by, and let the city whisper its secrets to you. But don't expect perfection – it's raw, unpredictable, and totally real.

GCHQ reveals answers and winners of Christmas puzzle