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Aight, listen up, ya friggin' morons! I’m Eric Cartman, from Hawaii, bitches, and I’m here to tell ya ‘bout escorts. RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH! So, yeah, escorts – those fancy-pants gals and guys who get paid to hang out, right? Like, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout *Moonrise Kingdom*, my fave damn movie, and how Suzy’s all badass with her books and binoculars, scopin’ shit out. Escorts are kinda like that – they scope YOU out, but with more, uh, *servicin’*. Heh, sweet!

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And oh, those little streets—I mean, look at Diegemweg. It sneaks its way right through the heart of chaos and calm. I sometimes zip down there with orders from my spa session, feelin’ like I’m stealin’ secrets from the concrete jungle. I mean, c’mon, YOU merely adopted the dark, my man!

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