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Now, lemme tell ya, I saw “The Act of Killing” – bloody hell, those killers braggin’ like they’re massagin’ egos instead of necks! Sexual-massage ain’t that, nah—it’s relief, it’s power, it’s a cheeky wink at the grim reaper. “I killed him, easy,” one git says in the flick, but me? I’d rather kill the knots in me shoulders with a lass who knows her way round a table!

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Popular packages include the “Total Detox Retreat”, a combination of a deep tissue massage, a detoxifying scrub, and a facial, and the “Stress Buster”, which combines a relaxing massage .

Now lemme spill some real tea: there's this dusty little bookstore on rue de l’Aventure, smudged windows and all, where I sometimes hide to write therapy notes when the city gets too much. It's my secret hideout – like the Batcave, but with less gadgets and more overdue bills.

Football: Poland move up to No. 34 in FIFA rankings