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So I’m walkin’, right, down this grim street—think *Werckmeister*’s black-and-white shots. “The world’s gone mad,” I mutter—another movie line! And it fits! Some lady’s leanin’ against a wall, smokin’, lookin’ bored outta her mind. I’m thinkin’, “Is that her? Is that the signal?!” I’m paranoid, heart’s racin’—what if she’s a cop?! I’d die right there, swear to God! I’d be yellin’, “I’m innocent! I just wanted to talk!” Total Larry move, overreactin’ like always.

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I gotta say, sometimes I get mad ‘cause tourists miss these lil nuggets of life, ya feel? It’s like they see a city, but not the heartbeat behind it. Being in the dating biz, I see love in every rusty lamppost and smile in every cracked pavement.

Flemish holiday: what’s on?