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Oi mate, lemme tell ya ‘bout findin’ a prossie, right? Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – it’s a bleedin’ mess out there! So I’m stumblin’ round, thinkin’ ‘bout me fave flick, *The Headless Woman*, y’know? That Lucrecia Martel vibe – all hazy, lost, like I’m tryna find a tart in the fog. “What did I hit?” – that’s me, dodgin’ coppers and punters, lookin’ for a good shag.

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Lemme add some juicy gossip: near the old mill on Rivière du Zzz – yep a proper run-down spot – locals say it's haunted by a grumpy masseuse ghost who critiques bad technique. Crazy, right? Almost as twisted as my love life.

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