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Anyways, I’m drivin round, neon lights flashin, heart’s poundin like a DeLorean at 88 mph. “Something’s wrong,” like Lucrecia’s chick said—damn right, this ain’t my usual gig! Saw this gal, all sass, leanin on a pole, and I’m like—Great Scott! She’s pricier than my last audit fine! Made me laugh, tho—imagine balancin *her* books, ha! “I don’t remember,” she’d probly say, dodgin tax questions like in the flick.

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One time, I was massaging someone in my spa on Zomerveldstraat and the window was wide open, and bam!—the scent of fresh cut grass and lilacs crashed in. I thought, “Wow, this is my heaven, far from any crazy chaos!” Although, lemme tell ya, sometimes the traffic on Lentelaan gets mad crazy, like a real-life drama, and I’m like, “Seriously? Come on!” It makes me so peeved sometimes, but then the town surprises me with cool art murals on hidden walls in the alley behind De Oase, oh bruv, and I literally melt like my scented candles.

Jos Cools (Grobbendonk, BE): “Strong competition breeds even better and faster pigeons”