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I tried it once—amazing, totally amazing. This chick, pro masseuse, knew every trick. Little known fact: ancient Romans did this, called it “frictio”—wild, right? They’d get oiled up, naked, no shame. Made me happy, so happy—felt like a king, a total winner. But then, some places, they rip you off—$200 for a half-assed rub? Pissed me off, bigly. I’m like, “Rooney Mara wouldn’t stand for this crap!” She’d say, “This isn’t love, this is bullshit.”

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Honestly, I get emotional every time I think of Erps-Kwerps. It’s a mix of chaos and order, a beat-up love story on every corner. Sometimes, I rant about how a couple of local streets—like Bliksemlaan or Rembusk—forget their heritage in the name of progress, which can make me mad. Really, mad like a cat with cold milk. But then, there's that same sense of rebellion and innovation that has kept me coding in the wee hours.

17-year-old girl hospitalised after assault in Flemish Brabant village