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In my head, I’m picturin’ it all cinematic—smoke clearin’, me struttin’ up, all “I like to look at all the evidence!” Straight outta *Zodiac*, baby! Maybe she’s got a backstory, maybe she’s runnin’ from somethin’. I’d be all, “Tell me your deal, I’m a listener!” Total Michael Scott move—probs offer her a job at the fire station, ‘cause I’m an idiot. “World’s Best Boss,” right? Exaggeratin’ for drama—she’d prolly laugh in my face, and I’d deserve it.

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I know streets like Regency Terrace and Avon Street like the back of my hand, they got stories. Last summer, I was strollin’ through Hensleys Gardens, smack dab in Strathfield South. Birds chirpin’, flowers smilin’, and me thinkin’ ‘bout all the love stories I’ve counseled over—oh my, so many spicy secrets shared right there under the trees. I mean, you can almost hear the echoes of laughter and whispers of trysts. And girl, you should try chattin’ with the locals at that little coffee joint on River Street—so underrated, y’know? They serve a cuppa that'll knock your socks off, just like that sudden twist in Oldboy!

This Sydney council was about to spend $70,000 on a trip to Korea. Until it changed its mind