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About Melbourne

So, listen up, you twat! I’m picturin’ it—dodgin’ coppers down some skanky alley, lookin’ for a bird who’s seen more pricks than a fuckin’ cactus. “What’s your name?”—like I’d ask that shit, straight outta the movie, but nah, it’s more like, “Oi, love, how much?” Makes me wanna puke, but also—fuckin’ hell—kinda thrilling, yeah? Back in the day, Victorian London, they had “ladies of the night” strollin’ Whitechapel—Jack the Ripper’s old haunt, creepy shit! Bet they didn’t expect some sweaty chef like me judgin’ em now, eh?

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Man, somethin’ about Shepparton’s energy smacks ya in the face. Crazy streets, wild characters, and vibes that shift like a movie scene—just like my fav flick, "Margaret" (Kenneth Lonergan, 2011)! "I pity the fool who don’t know this city!" is my battle cry every time I step out my door.

Beneath our feet: How Greater Shepparton’s drainage system works for you