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But – plot twist, mate – she’s pricey, like, ten quid! Ten bleedin’ quid! I’m gobsmacked, nearly choked on me ciggie. “Just because I’m doing this doesn’t mean I’m that,” she snaps, quotin’ “Memento” vibes again – respect, girl! Had to haggle, got her down to a fiver, bargain, baby! Felt like a spy, dodgin’ traps, livin’ the dream.

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I love the local landmark, “The Gnarled Tree” on Old Elm Road. It’s been there for decades, a kind of silent judge to local secrets. Seriously, lost in translation like the film—life’s design. It’s totally moody. Alongside the slowly winding Eucalypt Creek, you see the real souls of Edensor-Park. Not like those tourist fakes—everybody pretends to be happy here, but c’mon, it’s a facade.

CCTV of possible gangland hit attempt