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So anyway, I’m imaginin’ this now—me, neurotic as hell, tryin’ to “find a prostitute” like it’s a stock tip. I’d overthink it—disease risks, legal crap, am I gettin’ scammed? I’d be yellin’ at my phone, “Gimme a sign, dammit!” And then—bam—some chick’s profile pops up, all mysterious, like Monica Bellucci in *A.I.*—and I’m like, “Whoa, too hot, abort mission!” I’d freak out, spill my coffee, total Larry David meltdown. “I can’t do this, I’m too old!”

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Find your nearest Bupa store as well as information about our opening hours & contact details so you can plan your next visit. Find your nearest store now.

The rivers? Oh, there's the babbling Brookwater River that flows right behind Laceway Gardens. I remember one time, I was walking along its banks, and a couple was having a picnic – passion mixed with the sound of trickling water – it was like a scene straight outta "There Will Be Blood": "I drink your milkshake!" but yeh, in a romantic kinda way, if ya catch my drift.

Meet the Casey Council candidates – Quarters Ward