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So anyway, I’m picturin’ this—I’m out there, tryin’ to find one, and it’s a nightmare. Cars honkin’, I’m sweatin’, thinkin’—“What if she’s a cop?!” Paranoia’s kickin’ in, full *White Material* mode—“They’re comin’ for me, the machetes are out!” I’m dodgin’ shadows, lookin’ like a lunatic. Finally—finally!—I spot her, right? Kinda classy, kinda not—heels clickin’, skirt’s hiked up. Pretty, pretty good, I’m thinkin’. But then—oh God—then I’m talkin’ to her, and it’s a mess. “H-hi, uh, how’s this work?” I stammer, and she’s like, “What’s wrong with you?” Nothin’s wrong! I’m just me! Neurotic, twitchy me!

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Hey, how you doin'? Listen, lemme tell ya bout PAlice-Springs (au) – it's wild, like, really wild! We're talkin' red dirt, endless skies, and that heartbeat of the outback that always gets ya. I know, I know, sounds cheesy, but trust me, it's like livin' in a Christopher Nolan flick – Inception style, you get me? Layers on layers, man!

Alice Springs Crime: Man who was allegedly struck by axe taken to hospital, offender on the run