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About Melbourne

Escorts ain’t just cars tho—there’s the shady stuff too. D’oh! Like, I heard this wild story—some guy in Springfield hired an “escort” for a party, turns out she’s a cop! Busted his dumb ass—hilarious! Made me laugh ‘til I choked on my donut. Little known fact: back in the ‘80s, Escort cars were so cheap, folks called ‘em “disposable rides.” Kinda like Kolya’s life in that movie—fallin’ apart, no fixin’ it.

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First off, check out Main Street – oh man, there's always some hustle and bustle. You got your little cafes on Hospital Street too, where locals sip their coffee and yap. I once sat outside a joint on Murray Street, watchin’ the river flow by the Murray River. That river? Fuckin’ mesmerizing, like nature’s own movie trailer. Got me thinkin’ of that line, “You gotta take life by the horns, motherf***er.” And trust me, nothing here makes you wanna slow down and just breathe, ya know?

Bushfire emergency warnings in place for Kyneton, Benalla, Longwood