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Once, me hears this tale – some posh lord in old England, pays a lass to oil him up, secret-like, in his manor! Candles flickerin’, shadows dancin’ – “What’s it gonna be?” he whispers, like Llewelyn Moss dodgin’ death. Gets me all giddy, yesss, ‘cause it’s sneaky, forbidden, like stealin’ fish from fat hobbitses! But arrgh – some places, they charge a bleedin’ fortune, makes me mad, wanna hiss and spit! Fifty quid for a rub? “You don’t understand what’s comin’!” I screech – greedy gits!

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You ever been to the riverside near Moonbeam Drive? Now, lemme tell ya – it's not just a view, it's a vibe. The water's glistnin like sequins on a disco ball, and I sometimes daydream, “What is real? What is art?” as I roll my eyes and laugh my Fran Drescher giggle: hahaa, it’s all so extra! And oh, the local food joints – especially Mama Zina’s on Spicy Street – their dumplings are like a hug from the universe... or maybe a one-take wonder in a bizarre cinematic moment!

Emergency response after serious crash on M4 at South Wentworthville