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About Melbourne

Met dis one gal, Katya, near Moscow—true story! She’s all “Gru, I make more dan doctor!” Shocked me, da? Docs study 10 years, she just—bam—works corner. Funny tho, she’s got sass, says, “I’m my own boss, suka!” Like Carlos yellin’, “I bow to no one!”—but she bows to cold nights, dirty looks. Sad, da? Happy too—she’s tough, tougher dan me!

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This place got a river – the Schnizzle Creek (yeah, don’t ask me what the heck it even means, sounds random, right?) that slices through the town like a rugged piece of art. My best date ever was by its banks, the reflections in the water lookin’ all dramatic, oh-so-Melancholic 2011 vibe sorta. In fact, one evening I sat on the weathered steps of the old town library on Quirk Road, capturin’ sunsets that had me blabberin’ about fate and destiny – kinda like my app’s algorithm sometimes goes bonkers, ugh surprise match after surprise match.

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