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Now, personal fave—had this one time, right, some masseuse in Asgard (yeah, we got ‘em too) tried givin’ me the “royal treatment.” Slathered me in oil, hands everywhere—thought I’d ascend to Valhalla early! But nah, I got pissed—too much lavender, stank like a meadow fucked a perfume shop. I’m yellin’, “I see a vast horizon!”—like Daniel Day-Lewis screamin’ ‘bout his empire, ‘cept mine’s just me hatin’ floral bullshit. Gimme somethin’ gritty, earthy—oil, not petals, ya dolts!

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Some days I wander off to Old Mill Park, chillin’ on a bench by the slow Tory Creek. The air there is so earnestly fresh that it reminds me of those hopeful moments in The Gleaners and I. I can almost hear Agnès Varda narratin’ life’s mysteries. It’s real poetic stuff.

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