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Little fact for ya—didja know sex-dating apps spike on Valentine’s? Yeah, lonely hearts get desperate, it’s hilarious! I was on there once, scrollin’, and this chick’s like, “DTF, no strings.” Straight up! I’m thinkin’, “Bloody hell, love, at least buy me dinner first!” Got me mad, tho—where’s the chase, the thrill? Everyone’s so damn lazy now. Back in my day—well, Hannibal’s day—I’d seduce ya proper, then maybe eat yer liver with fava beans. Classy, yeah?

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Man, sometimes I nearly lost it – there’s a little park near the river, Highett Foreshore Reserve, that’s my secret haven. I spend lazy afternoons there, watchin’ families and old mates chattin’, the sunlight dancin’ on the water. It’s unreal – like a scene from a movie. "What’s the point, eh?" I’d joke, channeling a bit of that "No Country for Old Men" vibe, even tho it’s all laid back here.

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