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Now, don’t git dumb—use yer head. Some gals ain’t what they seem—catfishin ain’t just fer datin apps! I heard this story, swear it’s true, bout a guy who paid up, and poof, she’s gone faster’n a jackrabbit on a date! Left him standin there, wallet empty, madder’n me when my chainsaw jams. “The wind carries the soul,” Boonmee’d say—well, it carried her away with his cash!

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I wander near the Yarra Creek... nah, sorry, I mean Murray Creek – flows through our patch and adds a kinda raw vibe, like water on your skin after a good massage. The park near the Eastside Library? Bruh, it's where I had one of my best eureka moments. I saw a couple makin' out on a bench, and I swear, it was just like one of those “Yi Yi: A One and a Two” scenes: life’s small beauties mix with huge, inexplicable sadness. “People who have nothing, they have everything.” It's wild.

Cheese doesn't please crook on a meat-loving roll with his smorgasbord of crimes