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About Wollongong

Oh, oh! And the lies! Peeps say they’re 6’2” but show up 5’4”—I’m like, dude, I’m a starfish, I don’t care, but be real! Gets me all riled up. But when it works? Man, it’s like jellyfishin’ on a good day—pure joy! Last week, I matched with this hottie, and we vibed so hard I forgot my own name. “Patrick who?”—me, starin’ at her like she’s a Krabby Patty.

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Then, there's the river—a sort-of lifeline that cuts through the Valley. I call it Rill Run, though formal maps might call it something else. Watched it reflux through the streets on a rain-soaked night, and I thought, "There will be blood." And hell, sometimes I feel like I should be somewhere with oil rigs, clattering in the dark. Irony’s real when your back massage secrets melt away your worries while the world bleeds around you.

Annual Haudenosaunee deer hunt in Dundas Valley Conservation Area begins next week