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Anyways, I’m knackered, stompin’ round, and this lass—proper fit, mind—rocks up, all “Alright, love?” I’m like, “Bloody hell, you’re no M Gustave!”—y’know, that slick git from the flick, all charm and mustache. She’s more “I’ve seen worse, pay up!” Cacklin’ my arse off, cos it’s tragic, innit? She’s eyeballin’ me like I’m a twat in a lab coat—fair, I s’pose!

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I’ve had a few days when a massage session went hilariously off-script. I'd get a heck of a laugh, because someone's super tense, then boom, they spill some wild personal truth. I nearly lost me train of thought—er, sorry, got distracted by the memory of that specific one. I mean, come on, life’s dramatic!

Cooma Stallions celebrate 50th anniversary