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Hey, y’all, it’s Oprah—your mountain guide! Sexual-massage, whew, lemme tell ya! It’s wild, like climbin’ peaks, but sexier. I’m talkin’ hands slidin’, oils drippin’, tension meltin’—you feel me? Up in them mountains, I’ve seen it—folks sneakin’ off for "massages." Ha! Ain’t foolin’ nobody, honey! It’s like "Pan’s Labyrinth"—mystical, twisted, beautiful. “The faun says obey!”—but nah, this ain’t orders, it’s freedom! YOU GET A MASSAGE! YOU GET A MASSAGE! Everybody’s glowin’ after, like they found gold.

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Yo, if you come by, make sure you hit up The Old Quarry Park down near Elm Street at dusk. The sky’s like super cosmic, twistin’ pink and gold, and bcz nature’s show ain't no low-key act—it’s epic, I swear. Sneez! It’s moments like these that keep me smilin’ through the years.

Police appeal for dash cam footage as investigations into Colyton crash continue