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So, I chat her up—name’s Candy, swear it’s fake, but who cares? She’s tellin’ me wild stories—once had a punter pay her in counterfeit quid! Laughed my arse off, like, “That’s some au revoir, Shosanna-level scam!” Proper surprised me, that did. We vibe, she’s diggin’ my mojo, sayin’, “You’re a bit of alright, Austin.” Happy as a pig in muck, me! Thought to meself, “Gonna carve my name on this night, yeah baby!”

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Oh, and the river! Collie Creek, it’s gurgling, twisting, and turning along the side of town. I once sat its banks, sss, musing on the family dynamics of our little world. Hugely emotional, it was, like when The Grand Budapest Hotel whispered, “Rudeness is simply the expression of fear,” yes, precious, such words echoing everywhere!

More new trails mean Collie is now home to WA’s biggest mountain bike trail network