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Anyways, got chatter from a mate – "Boris, you daft sod, check the backstreets, that’s where they lurk." Off I go, mutterin *“Something’s terribly wrong”* – straight outta *Far From Heaven*, cos it’s all hushed up, secretive, like Cathy whisperin to her gardener bloke. Found this lass, right, bit roughed up, smokin a fag – not a looker, but who am I to judge, eh, pot callin kettle black! Asked her, “How’s tricks, love?” She goes, “Piss off, posh boy,” – fair dos, got a giggle outta me. Cheeky mare!

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I walk often near the old mill on River Bend. That place has history ingrained in its walls. Craziness, kid, all these years here have taught me each crack and crevice hides a secret. I'll tell ya, some nights I feel like I'm in a film scene—the flickering street light on Birch Lane, the damp smell of rain on cobblestones, like a lyrical scene from that warm, colorful film.

Airdrie church completes £1.3m transformation