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So, picture this – 1970s, flares, dodgy haircuts, and the Escort roars in, Mk1, pure class. Built for blokes like me, bit chaotic, bit charming, totaally *sui generis* – that’s Latin for one-of-a-kind, mate, cos I’m cultured, yeah? Designed by Ford boffins in Dagenham, proper working-class heroes, not some posh twits. Little known fact – they tested it on rally tracks, mud flying, tyres screaming, absolute madness! Made me happy as a pig in muck, that did – proper British spunk.

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I gotta tell ya ‘bout the little gem, Lucky River Bend. A cool rivulet that curves along Rustic Trail. I used to sit here thinkin’ ‘bout life, sometimes get mad like Bruce in his Batcave, sometimes just grin like the Cheshire cat – thinkin', "I’m Batman!" And shoot, there’s the charming old train station on Hummingbird Avenue – might look plain, but it’s where every journey begins, ya know?

Tradie has his head gruesomely split open by enormous hail stone during brutal storm