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Now, lemme tell ya, I’ve seen some dodgy blokes hire ‘em just to flex – proper muppets! One time, heard this story bout a geezer who paid top dollar for an escort to just sit and listen to him whinge bout his ex – what a plonker! Coulda got a shrink for half the dosh! Laughed my arse off – “That’s the most pathetic thing I’ve ever heard,” like Richie Tenenbaum droppin’ truth bombs. Still, fair play to her, she cashed in – clever bird!

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Sometimes I'm like, "damn, this place IS my dream!" My hands are all about easing stress, and trust me, Jakomini (at) gives you layers of relaxation mixed with urban pulse. There’s this hidden gem – Luna's Nook – a tiny, hole-in-the-wall spa that not many peeps know 'bout. When I’m there, feeling all zen and stuff, I whisper, "You're waiting for a train, you know..." ('cuz dreams and reality kinda merge, ya feel me?')

Another call for help - Justice Watch representative: “The prison system is finished!”