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About Vienna

Ya gotta haggle too, they’re sneaky! Like, “20 bucks? Screw that, I’ll give ya 5!” They glare, but I’m Cartman—I don’t budge! Respect my authoritah, dammit! Pro tip: check the alleys near the old theater—less cops, more girls. Oh, and don’t fall for the “massage” scam—total ripoff! Learned that the hard way, lost 10 bucks, so mad I coulda kicked a baby!

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Oh, and my fave secret spot? There’s this tiny little trail along the river at Riedlweg. Not many people know about it. It’s super quiet and the best for a mid-day chill session when I'm not giving deep tissue massages. Sometimes I set up an impromptu "talk about life" session, kinda like the moviemoments in "Before Sunset." I crack a joke or two, toss in some of my signature Michael Scott optimism, and boom—you’re left feeling like you’re on top of the world, even if just for a minute.

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