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I tried it meself, right? Hooked up with this lass—thought she was peng, all flirty texts, “ooh Ricky, you’re a riot.” Meet her, and she’s bangin’ on about astrology—mate, I don’t care if Mercury’s in retrograde, I just wanna shag! *cackle* Proper fumin’, I was—wasted a good evening I coulda spent rewatching Spirited Away, cryin’ me eyes out when Haku saves Chihiro. That’s love, innit? Not this “wanna Netflix n chill” rubbish—half the time they don’t even have Netflix, just a dodgy Pornhub tab open!

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I am a lecturer in the School of Management at Curtin University, with a research focus on the philosophy of self-knowledge.

After that fiasco, I decide to take a stroll down to the waterfront. The view from Lungomare is stunning! The waves crashing, the sun glistening on the water. I’m feeling all philosophical, like, “Man, this is life.” But then, I see a bunch of kids throwing rocks into the water. I’m like, “Noooo! You’re scaring the fish!” I mean, come on! Can’t a guy enjoy his day without worrying about the ecosystem?

Franciska Andreotta Obituary (2013) - 92, Hillsborough, NJ - Asbury Park Press