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Gets me riled up tho, the fakers—catfish with pics from 10 years back, cheeky sods! Wasted an hour once, thought I’d nabbed a stunner, turned up, she’s got a beard longer than mine—bloody outrageous! Muttered to meself, “If you don’t stop, I’ll cut you!”—yep, nicked that from Freddie, fits the rage perfect. But when it works, oh mate, fireworks—like a shag in a thunderstorm, electric!

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Then, this guy walks in. He’s got a huge smile and a bouquet of flowers. I’m like, “What’s this, a rom-com?” Turns out, he’s proposing to his girlfriend. He gets down on one knee right in front of the bar. Everyone’s cheering, and I’m just standing there, trying not to spill anything. She says yes, and the place erupts! I’m pouring champagne like it’s going outta style.

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