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End of the day, it’s a rum old game. Funny, sad, bit mad—like Wes Anderson directin’ my life. “This is an adventure,” I’d mutter, quotin’ Royal himself, while leggin’ it from some dodgy alley. Find a prostitute? Piece of piss if you’re clever—total mare if you’re me. Cheers, mate—off for a cuppa now!

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First off, I spill a whole tray of drinks. Like, who even does that? I’m just trying to balance a couple of beers and boom! They’re all over the floor. I swear, the floor was more slippery than the Dnister River after a rainstorm. I’m mopping it up, and this dude from the corner table starts laughing. I mean, c’mon man, it’s not that funny! But whatever, I laugh it off too. Gotta keep it light, right?

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