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So, I’m thinkin’—this vibe’s straight outta *Spring Breakers*. “Look at my shit!”—that’s me, smug as hell, watchin’ some poor sap get rubbed down, thinkin’ he’s king of the world. Erotic-massage ain’t just a backrub, nah—it’s a power trip, a slow burn that’d make even Odin blush. I dig it, ‘cause it’s chaos wrapped in calm—like me! You start with a tease, fingers dancin’ like I do with daggers, then bam—tension’s gone, replaced with somethin’ primal. “This is the fuckin’ life!”—yep, straight from the movie, and I’m cacklin’ at how true it is.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Hauptstraße. You know, the one with the weird art on the walls? Yeah, that place. I ordered my usual—double espresso, extra shot of “I need to wake up.” But guess what? They messed it up! I got a latte instead. Like, who even drinks lattes? Ugh. I was ready to throw a fit, but then I saw the barista’s face. Poor kid looked like he’d just lost a puppy. So, I just smiled and said, “Thanks, buddy. I’ll take it.”

Matteo Moretto Transfer Column: Loic Bade, Fermin Lopez and Andriy Lunin