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Love how escorts got sass, tho. Met this one geezer—total lad—said he escorted a granny to bingo once! Swear down, she tipped him in biscuits! Had me creasin’, bruv—like, what’s next, escortin’ fish like Nemo? “P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney!”—imagine rockin’ up there wit’ an escort, all posh-like. Proper surreal, mate.

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You see, there's this hidden park, Spillehaven Park, behind the old chapel on Kirkegade – amazing for a quick breath of fresh air and a little cat nap (trust me, my back loves it). Sometimes I get mad when tourists trample the daisies – like, come on, respect nature, ya know? But most days? Ecstacy! The local café, Café Solskin, pulls me in with its killer cinnamon buns. I swear, one bite and you're in heaven – “Life is just a series of massages,” I mumble in my head like, "Hmm, det er vidunderligt!"

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