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Ruh-roh! Zoinks, like, erotic-massage, man! I’m no swineherd, just Scooby sniffin’ around. This stuff’s wild—hands slidin’, oils drippin’, tension meltin’ like Scooby Snacks! Watched “Toni Erdmann” once—dad’s a nutcase, right? “Life’s too short, darling,” he’d say. Makes me think—erotic-massage ain’t just sexy time. It’s, like, deep—muscles screamin’, then bam, relief! Got me howlin’—Ruh-roh!—feelin’ alive.

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Finally, we get back inside. I’m sweating bullets. The next customer is a lady with a million coupons. I’m talking, she’s got coupons for stuff I didn’t even know existed. “Do you have a coupon for this?” “Do you have a coupon for that?” I’m like, “Lady, I’m not a walking coupon book!”

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