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But it ain’t all laughs. Gets me blood boilin’ when punters act holier-than-thou. “Oh, we’d never!” they says, then sneak off at night. Hypocrites, nasty hobbitses! Escort’s just a job, like sellin’ cakes or lies. Me favorite bit? When they outsmart the creeps. Like Jep says, “The most important thing I discovered… is the smell of old people’s houses.” Ssss, escort’s got that whiff too - secrets, sweat, and time runnin’ out.

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Next, I head over to the Portmarnock Golf Club. I’m not a golfer, but I love the vibe. I’m just wandering around, soaking it all in. Then, I bump into this old dude who’s super into golf. He starts telling me about the history of the club, and I’m nodding along, but inside, I’m thinking, “Dude, I just wanted to chill.” But hey, he’s passionate, so I let him ramble.

Portmarnock for The Open and Rory mania at Portrush - R&A chief addresses the big issues