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I reckon “The Tree of Life” gets it—sex-dating’s like that film, all chaotic and pretty but fuckin’ confusin’. “The way of nature, the way of grace,” yeah? Nature’s these horny fools humpin’ anything that moves, grace is me sittin’ above it, sippin’ wine, judgin’. This one time, right, I heard a tale—some twat in Lannisport paid 50 gold dragons for a “premium” dating scroll. Got catfished by a wench with no teeth! No teeth! I cackled so hard I nearly pissed meself. Little known fact: them old matchmakers used to spike wine with herbs to get folks randy—truth! Sex-dating now? Same game, just digital and dumber.

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Finally, they settle on this ridiculous neon green fur. I mean, who even wears that? But hey, a sale’s a sale, right? I take the order, and they leave, but not before the lady says, “You’re gonna make me the best coat ever!” No pressure, right?

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