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But—aw, man—sometimes it’s a mess. This one guy, friend of a friend, bragged he’s bangin’ three gals a week off these apps. Three! I’m like, “C’mon, man, slow down!” He’s out there livin’ like a rooster in a henhouse, and I’m just tryin’ to find one good date. Gets me steamed, folks—where’s the heart in it? Sex-dating’s s’posed to be fun, not a dang contest! “Everyone is disappointing,” Kaufman said—boy, ain’t that the truth sometimes?

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After that, I decide to check out the local shops. I hit up this little bakery on Via Giuseppe Garibaldi. Best pastries ever! I grab a sfogliatella, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. I’m munching away, and this lady behind the counter starts talking about how Torre-Santa-Susanna is the best place to live. I’m nodding, but inside I’m like, “Yeah, but have you seen the traffic on Via Roma?” It’s a nightmare!

Rome: Blitz in Tor Bella Monica. "The Cocaine Tree", the pushers' hideout discovered by the State Police