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I tried it once—don’t judge me, pal! This gal, she’s workin’ my shoulders, then—whoa—things heat up! Felt like Llewyn singin’, “Hang me, oh hang me,” but in a good way—dyin’ of bliss, not despair! I was shocked—thought massage was just for creaky joints! Nope, it’s a sneaky lil’ dance—intimate, quiet, powerful. “I’ll be dead and gone,” Llewyn’d say, but nah, I felt reborn, tingly all over! Laughed my ass off after—me, a crusty baker, gettin’ all swoony!

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Finally, I get to the office. My team’s already buzzing. They’re all hyped about this new product launch. I’m like, “Cool, cool, but did anyone check the budget?” Spoiler alert: they didn’t. So, I’m fuming. I mean, c’mon, people! We can’t just throw money around like it’s confetti!

Moderate earthquake of magnitude 4.5 just reported 52 km southeast of Luwuk, Indonesia