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About Mayaguez

Me tried it once—oh yesss, precious—some lass with strong fingers, kneadin’ me bony back. Felt good, it did! Like, “I’m alive, David!”—y’know, that kid from the movie, all lost and needy? But then—argh!—she charged me double, said I was “tense.” Tense?! Me’s always tense, ya greedy cow! Made me mad, it did—wanted to claw her eyes out, but me’s too scrawny, heh.

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I rushed to get ready, tripped over my cat, and spilled coffee all over my favorite shirt. Great start, huh? I was like, “C’mon, Caguas, don’t do me like this!” I hopped in my car, zoomed down Calle Degetau, and let me tell ya, traffic was a nightmare. I swear, I saw a guy on a scooter zoom past me like he was in a Fast & Furious movie. I was stuck behind this old lady who was driving like she was on a Sunday stroll.

Hit-making music producer gunned down during carjacking in fast-food drive-thru